I’ve always heard that if one stumbles into quicksand, the thing to do is to rest. Panicking and struggling to get free will only intensify the crisis. The thing to do, I think, is to rest, and then swim gently toward the edge. I have no idea if this is true or not, but it’s a good image for where I’m at this morning.

It seems that the thing I must do now is rest, contemplating the idea of leadership. I’ve wasted a lot of time fretting about the idea of leadership. Hardly a day goes by without my heart asking: “Do I really have what it takes to lead God’s people?” And nearly every time, the question is followed by a moment of panic, in which my human nature answers, “NO!.” I’ve worn myself thin struggling to prove to myself and everyone else that I can be a leader.

So this morning, stuck in this pool of quicksand on the right path God has led me down, I’ve stopped struggling long enough to rest, and to meditate on “Leader” as a name for God. And I’ve realize that the question ~ “Do I have what it takes to lead God’s people?” ~ is the wrong question.

Each day I want to awake to the question: “Do I have what it takes to follow God today?” That question, I can answer without a moment’s hesitation. Without panic. Without struggle. In fact, answering that question frees my heart to leap and dance.

Yes. By God’s grace. YES!

Some are ancient words. Held captive to an introverted mind too long already. They will not survive much longer in this dungeon I’ve designed for them.

Some are infantile words. Not yet fully formed. Certainly not mature enough to be released into the atmosphere and left to fend for themselves.

Others are yet only letters. Jumbled. Scrambled. Waiting to be birthed into words. Longing to be usefully employed in thought.

It has been suggested, recently, that perhaps I am being less than I am crafted and called to be. That perhaps I am letting good work detain me from the great work for which I was born. That perhaps these letters and words inside me are the instruments of that great work.

The trouble is, I hear the words. I know they want to be set free. But I don’t know how to release them.

Do I smile because I’m nervous? Sure.

Do I smile to mask what’s underneath? Perhaps at times.

Do I smile because I’m a flake, incapable of experiencing or expressing real emotion? I think not.

 Why do I smile? I smile because I have hope. I smile because even in the midst of pain ~ even when I’m reflecting on the most painful places in my life ~ I have a deep and abiding awareness that pain is not all there is. And pain does not define me.

Yes, I have known intense pain in life. I have also known unspeakable joy and peace that passes comprehension. And I believe I have a choice to make: which will be the guiding force in my life ~ the pain or the joy born out of peace? 

So I choose.

Pain is part of life. And pain is part of me. I accept that ~ embrace it even. But pain is not all there is. Pain is not all of me, and pain will not define me. 

I choose hope.

I choose peace.

I choose joy.

I choose to smile.

iSmile. 

I had planned to stay in Wilmore last night & drive home today, but I was missing my family terribly. So I set out from Wilmore about 10:00 last night, and pulled in my driveway at 1:00 this morning. After squeezing the kiddos and getting them off to school, I crawled in bed and slept the day away. I still don’t feel totally “caught up” on sleep, but it’s a start!

There are just no words to describe all that I experienced in Costa Rica during these 10 days. All I can say is, “¡Gloria Dios!”

Today was a day of great blessing for all of us, as the team split up and went to several area churches. Our professor preached at a downtown church in San Jose (that’s where I worshipped). Elissa, Donna, and Buff each preached in a different church.

In the evening, we shared worship and testimonies with the Costa Rican pastors & church leaders (who have been studying with us all week), and the North Carolina mission team serving here at the Centro Metodista this week. For the first time all week, I went to bed early and got a full night’s sleep, too! That is a joy in itself.

Today we finish up class in the morning and say farewell to our Costa Rican brothers and sisters. Then we’ll go to a coffee plantation in the morning. Saturday is ziplining, volcano, possibly butterfly farm, and shopping. Sunday we’ll worship in downtown Alajuela. The pastor of the church where we’re going has been our worship leader all week, so I know we’re in for a holy time!

Blessings on you all!

As we neared the end of VBS Martha, the children’s ministry director at Rincon de Herrera, asked us to please offer a salvation prayer during the closing. She shared with one of our translators that many of the children present were not regular churchgoers, and she sensed a call to offer a clear prayer of salvation on this day.

Today is our last day of VBS, and already I dread saying farewell to these beautiful children. Alonso, a 14 year old boy, and Dylan (probably about Jared’s age), have particularly touched my heart this week. Pray with me today that our team can really impress this singular message on the children’s hearts: though we must leave, Jesus Christ will never leave them!!!

Peace and joy be yours today!

Anyway… I made myself a list of things to share this morning, so this will be a better update than I’ve offered you the past couple of days.

I am amazed and blessed by the quality of interaction between the Costa Rican students and the American students during our worship and class time. The blend of voices praising in Spanish and English simultaneously is a beautiful glimpse of God’s kingdom! We have a small group discussion time after the lecture each morning, and I think all of our students are in groups that also include Costa Rican students. My new friends Andres and Guisellea have brought tremendous insight to our discussion group. There is just a sweet, pervasive spirit of love among all of the students here.

VBS yesterday was incredible! We went from 29 children on day 1 to 63 children on day 2. I was excited to see many moms participating alongside their children and also receiving the word of the Lord. I’m serving on the Bible story team. We have one person present the story to all of the children during the opening time, then the story team works to present the story in a more interactive way during the rotation time. Yesterday we shared the story of Jesus calming the storm (Mark 4). We made a ‘boat’ on the floor with painter’s tape, and I led the children in acting out the story as my teammates Steve Majdecki and Jennie Clements (translator) told the story. We had so much fun together dramatizing this story. Then, we passed out coloring sheets and crayons (muchos gracias to Union UMC friends for the crayons!), and the children colored a picture of the story.

I was sitting among the children, watching them color, feeling very awkward and, frankly, useless because I couldn’t speak with them other than to compliment their work. Suddenly, one little girl pushed her paper toward me and handed me her crayon, asking me to write my name. (It turns out I can understand a little more than I can say!) When I wrote my name, she wrote hers beneath it, connecting the two with “and.” Suddenly, I was signing papers and writing “Jesus loves you” on each one. In those moments I experienced the power of the Holy Spirit to connect people in a really profound way! What a blessing!

I’ve not been able to post pictures, but my friend Kevin Burgess is posting videos on YouTube. If you’re interested, search kevinburgess98. (He says he has a great one of me doing Monday’s Bible story, but I’m not sure that one’s posted yet.)

May the peace of Christ rest with you all this day. Continue to lift us in prayer, as fatigue is starting to set in for many of us.

Worship and classtime with our Costa Rican brothers and sisters was phenomenal yesterday, and VBS went remarkably well. I am amazed at how well our team is working together and adapting to ‘tico time.’ None of us even got antsy when the bus didn’t arrive to pick us up until it was time for VBS to actually begin!

Looking forward to another blessed day! Peace and joy to you all.

Sunday was a fantastic day! We worshiped at Rincon de Herrera, the church where we will be doing VBS this week. I am always amazed at how God’s Spirit touches my spirit through the sharing of worship across language barriers.

After lunch, Karoline Gober shared her testimony with our team. Karoline and her husband, Steve, have been missionaries here for 16 years. Karoline was born in Costa Rica, but raised in Wilmore, KY, after her father answered the call to attend Asbury Seminary. (More about her father on another day.) Karoline answered God’s call to missionary service when she was just 15, but struggled with the call to return to Costa Rica. Their two children, Natalia and Ferdinand, have been a joy to our team since the moment we arrived! 

Since the Gobers have been serving here, the Methodist church in Costa Rica has grown from 30 congregations to around 110 congregations! About 80 of those are established churches, and the rest are preaching points. Steve’s primary role here is as president of the Seminary. When the seminary opened in 1989, there were only 3 ordained pastors in Costa Rica. There are now around 80.

I am most eager to begin class this morning and get to know some of the Costa Rican students. All of the students who arrive for class this week are either pastors or lay leaders in their local churches. Two of the women arrived early enough to have dinner with us last night, and the conversation (moderated by Jenny – translators rock!) was terrific! We have learned that the Costa Rican students have additional responsibilities related to their training, and will not be able to participate in the mission projects with us as we had hoped.

I tried to upload a picture for you, but must have done something wrong. Maybe I can sort that out on another day. Until tomorrow, peace be with you.